Regretting having a third child is more common than you might believe. At the same time, dreaming of having a large family is how reality can become very different. Whether the regret stems from feeling outnumbered on your kids or the extra expenses that come with raising another child, it’s essential to understand why you have this feeling so that you can deal with it.
What are the things that some parents don’t think of it when they first decide to have a third child is how expenses can add up. Not only is having to feed and clothe another child is expensive, but it could also lead to you needing to buy a bigger living space to accommodate them. Any kind of financial issue can impact marriage and other relationships.
However, just because you feel regret doesn’t mean that you need to let that regret consume you. You must deal with the stress you’re feeling due to your child and find a way to shift your perspective on the situation. Not every moment will be full of positivity, but you change your approach to having your third child, it can improve how you feel.
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Why Do You Regret Having Third Child?
You must understand what possible reasons could be causing you to feel regret. Narrowing down exactly why you’re feeling guilt is the only way to properly deal with that feeling and lessen the negative feelings associated with having your third child. Here are some of the main reasons that you might be feeling regret.
You’re Feeling Outnumbered
No one likes you feeling numbered, and one of the Keystone’s of a family Dynamic is the parents having authority. If you’re a single parent and having even two children can feel like you are losing in that power dynamic. If you are a couple staying together, having a third child can shift the dynamic towards your children, allowing a voice in decisions.
Having three children makes it harder for you to divide different tasks equally. If there are two parents present in the household, you’re going to have to do more than 50% of the responsibilities because it isn’t as easy as one child each. Children can quickly take advantage of that imbalance, causing them to have different decisions and situations shift in their favor.
Chaos can quickly in Sue when your children find out they outnumber you. It can be challenging to keep up with the chores and other work that happen when you have more children to take care of than there are adults in the household. That can add stress to the relationship, which can cause even more turmoil between the parents.
Feeling Like You Can Give Attention to All Your Children
Having another child means that your attention will divide three ways instead of 2. This can lead you to feel guilty about not giving attention to all of your kids equally, especially if you’re giving more attention to a newborn. It will depend on the age gap between your children, but it may be that you need to provide more attention to your younger when you child.
You and your partner will have to learn to split your attention equally among your children, which will be no easy feat if you have three children instead of 2 now. You will no longer be able to have those essential one-on-one times for the same amount of time as he may have previously, and this can cause guilt about how you’re giving your attention to your children.
However, coming to terms with the fact that you will have to give more attention to a newborn than your other children is temporary but essential. You can always go back to some of the other activities that you would enjoy with your children once your newborn has grown up a bit. You can also ask for help from friends and family to manage your time.
It’s More Expensive
Three children will cost more than two, and you must prepare yourself before having another child for the financial strain that will happen. However, suppose you already have your third child, and you’re experiencing some kind of economic issues. In that case, it may be time to sit down with financial experts or family members to help you manage your expenses better.
If you’re lucky, you didn’t get rid of everything you had from your previous pregnancies. Or you’re able to hand down some of the stuff that your children no longer need to your newborn. You can also talk to friends and family about things that they can give you to help cut down on costs or go to second-hand shops for certain things.
However, no matter how you manage your expenses, there will always be a certain amount of stress added to the family as you try to support three children. Finding ways to lessen the stress or manage it is essential to getting past the regret you might feel. Speaking with others who have gone through similar situations could be a sound support system.
You Don’t Have Enough Space
Even though a baby is relatively small, they still take up a lot of space with the cribs, changing tables, and other amenities that they need for their care. If you already have two children, space can already be pretty tight in your current living situation, and stress can add up when you don’t have the finances to support moving to a larger space.
Babies take up a lot more space than you might believe. They need a separate room to sleep in their cribs, somewhere just for their clothes and toys and an area where you can care for and entertain them. It can turn your Koozie feeling home into a cramped space once you add another person into the mix.
It’s also possible that you will have to shift your living arrangements to accommodate your baby. Whether that is having your children move into the same bedroom together or giving up part of your space to have a crib or changing table. You can feel a lot of guilt about having your children give up their individual spaces to make room for the baby.
How To Feel Less Regret About Your Third Child
Now that you have some idea of what might be causing you to regret your third child, it’s time to come up with some ideas for dealing with the stress and negative feelings you have. The best course is to start to shift your perspective, as this can positively affect how you view your current situation. A change in approach can lessen stress over time.
Enjoy Your Child’s Firsts
Chances are you aren’t going to have another child after your third one. Therefore try to find enjoyment in their firsts and milestones. There isn’t going to be another time when you’re going to be able to celebrate those small moments the way that you did with your previous children. Take your time with them, and slowing down can be a great way to appreciate them more.
Share the Tasks
Having your child interact with other people is an excellent way for them to understand social skills like sharing and compromise. Having other people take care of your child could be a perfect way for them to socialize while also taking some of the pressure off of childcare from you. This doesn’t necessarily have to be your third child, but it can also be your first or second.
If you manage to get some time one-on-one with your newborn, you need to spend proper time with them as this is an excellent way to bond and teaches them social skills. Try to enjoy those moments and how much you care for your child. You can even come up with special activities to do with your children to feel more exciting.
Find Your Support Group
You are not the first person to have three children, so finding other people who have gone through a similar experience can be very comforting. They can give you a tip that had a better parent will also provide solace for the things you feel. This can be either a family in the same area that you live in or through online forums.
You should also rely on friends and family to help with some of the things that are stressing you out. This could be picking up groceries for you or picking your kids up from school or other activities. If there is a significant age gap between your first child and your third, you could ask that trial to help with some of the care duties.
Feeling regret after having a third child is a widespread occurrence. Whether it is the shifting power dynamic or the extra expenses, you need to understand the external reasons why you feel the stress you do. You never want to shift any kind of blame onto the child themselves as this could have a negative impact on their mental health.